The following is a post from my other blog where I introduced this project and the first few images:
"The below is something I've always wanted to do, but told myself I couldn't...draw a comic. These three pages are from a story I've had in my head for a few years called 'The Detective with a Melted Face'. It's a vignette a good ways into the story. I won't chew your ear with the gory details. I've tried sequential format in the past and it's been a disaster...this is more of a calamity. Feedback would be greatly appreciated..."
Hey Sam, I have a little concrit regarding these first few pages (at least, I think these are the first few pages). None of which has to do with the drawing or the actual prose, which I am enjoying thoroughly...
ReplyDeletePage one (top img): That is a goddamn intimidating block of text, but so well written! Unfortunately, all the beats in that prose are utterly destroyed by setting it in one, justified block of type. It would have a better, more natural cadence if you (at least) broke it into paragraphs, or (even better) broke it up into several smaller text boxes to pepper in with the images, to help lead your humble readers through the page and add some punctuation to the images we are seeing (think how the language in "Goodfellas" or "Fear and Loathing adds to each scene. Each panel is sort of like that, especially since you've set up an aspect to aspect sequence).
As for what we are seeing, I was very confused that I never saw the narrator here. While I realize that you may not want to show his face (being that it gets al melty later), I had no idea who was narrating at first. I think that, perhaps, you may need a establishing shot here. Something wider so we can see the players...or at least give us a back of the head or hand on a beer.
Page two I have very little issue with, except that your type gets tough to decipher. Well...also, I don't know how I feel about the Portuguese translation in there...if he (meaning the narrator) understands Portuguese, why not just write it in English? Asterisk asides can take a reader out of the story, and this is a crucial moment where you don't want that to happen.
Page 3 is badass.
So, anyway, my 2 cents for what it is worth. The art for this is amazing Sam, and I will be really interested to read this story (whether you take my advice or not ;P). The horror noir is one very rarely done, and for some reason this has a darker Indiana Jones feel to it (that may just be me...).